Don't be a ghost

When it comes to the dating world, the matching team here at dating agency and singles club RSVP likes to keep up with any new and interesting developments. Especially when it comes to new trends and terminology, the way we date is always evolving. Though sometimes not all the changes are good...

RSVP values the privacy of their members, so when we set up a match, we only release the bare minimum of details to start with. Then, if both members are keen to go ahead, we pass telephone numbers in the expectation that they will have a nice telephone conversation followed by a date. This is why the new trend of ‘Ghosting’ is disturbingly destructive.

‘Ghosting’ is when, without any warning, one half of a couple cuts off all contact with the other half and goes into complete radio silence in response to all attempts of contact. A recent article in the Sunday Times Style Magazine points out that friends are also capable of ‘ghosting’ as well. The rumour mill also suggests that Charlize Theron may have done the same to Sean Penn after a year of dating and a potential engagement, so even more long-term (and high profile) relationships are at a risk of ending this way.

In our society where we are so reliant on technology to keep in touch with one another, suddenly cutting your other half off without any explanation is a brutal way to end a relationship. It can be very damaging for anyone’s self-esteem, no matter if it’s a long-term thing or just after a couple of dates. Therefore, RSVP’s expert matching team encourages RSVP members to always be polite even if they do not wish to meet someone again after one or two dates. It is much nicer to send a text or have a gentle phone call explaining that you’ve had a good time but you don’t think you’d like to take it further, than simply ignoring the other person’s efforts at continued contact. After all, nobody ever wants to be on the receiving end of a ‘ghosting’.

A professional match-maker’s take on ‘Married at First Sight’

The recent Channel 4 documentary, ‘Married at First Sight’ was watched with great interest by the professional match-making team at RSVP dating agency and singles club, the dating agency and singles club. We match on a variety of factors that are predictors of long term relationship success, ranging from personality, to shared interests and personal criteria; we found it interesting to watch the panel of experts make matches of a more permanent and arguably dramatic nature and see how the results unfolded.

RSVP members are genuinely single and, when they join, they are looking to commit to a long-term partner. However, chemistry and attraction are hard to scientifically predict, so even if a match appears great on paper, it doesn't mean that the couple will gel when they meet in person. This can also work the other way round with people you would never think of putting together, meeting each other at one of our RSVP exclusive Singles Events and getting on like a house on fire!

Therefore, we had mixed feelings watching the six people meet each other as strangers on their wedding day. The sociologist expert did suggest that the tradition of the marriage would trigger a psychological reflex to bond the couples together, but, of the three couples, only one pair actually made it to the end of the experiment. The other couple who made it down the aisle rode on a wave of adrenaline through the special day; but as soon as it came to an end, they went back to being strangers and clashed on the most basic of things, despite the panel thinking they were a sure-fire match.

This is why we encourage our members to take it slow with their matches, so they can warm up as times goes on. At RSVP, we do all the legwork of finding the match and exchanging the personal profiles of the people but then we suggest that the member send a text first to introduce themselves properly and to find a good time to speak over the phone. Hopefully after the phone conversation, they can set up a meeting. We promote the idea of meeting more than once before making a decision to start ‘dating’. This gives them a chance to get to know each other a little and, even if they are not immediately struck by love at first sight, chemistry and attraction can – and do – grow!