Can anyone be 'Self Partnered'?

Actress Emma Watson recently described herself as ‘self partnered’ rather than single in an interview with Vogue Magazine. This new ‘self partnered’ term has caused quite a stir and divided option. Last week #selfpartnered was trending on Twitter. Two members of the RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club Team discuss whether they are on board with the term ‘self partnered'.

‘Self partnered’ Why not?

My first reaction when I heard that Emma Watson described herself as ‘Self partnered’, was an eye roll. It reminded me of when actress Gwyneth Paltrow described her split with Chris Martin as ‘consciously uncoupling’. Then, after reading the interview in full, not just the media sound bite, I changed my mind. 

Watson discusses how, previously, she hated being single and found herself in consecutive co-dependent relationships. She is now embracing single life and embarking on her dating journey, resulting in her being happier in herself. Like many RSVP Dating Agency members she doesn't want to use dating apps. According to Watson, ‘self partnered ‘ comes from a place of confidence and empowerment that she didn’t have in her early twenties.
I conclude that, whilst I don’t see anything wrong with the term 'single', it goes without saying that to some it can be interpreted in negative ways. Is there anything wrong with coming up with a term to say that you are fulfilled and single? Absolutely not.

‘Self Partnered’ Definitely not!

Whilst I have no problem with Emma Watson being happily single, I really don’t think anyone can describe themselves as ‘self partnered’. It is needless to say that a partnership consists of two people, so one may wonder why Watson is putting two contradicting words together.

Not only do I find this term pretentious, but I don’t understand why she couldn’t simply say ‘I am happily single’. At RSVP, we work hard to make sure our members are enjoying their dating journey because we do appreciate it can be tough. Perhaps ‘self partnered’ comes from a defensive place, because Watson’s personal life has been brutally under scrutiny since puberty and she is trying to control the narrative.

Whilst I applaud Watson for being honest with how she is feeling and I am pleased that she is content with single life and dating, I really cannot see the phrase ‘self partnered’ taking off and becoming a mainstream term substituting ‘single’. 

Would you describe yourself as 'self partnered'? Or would you like to enter in a partnership with someone else? To find out more about how RSVP can help you on your dating journey, simply provide us with a few details about yourself and a member of our Enquiries Team will be in touch.

Meeting Through Friends

Many single people like to be set up by friends or someone they know. We completely understand this. It is great to be introduced to a new person by someone who knows you well and that you trust. In an age where there is so little accountability for online dating profiles and so many options, there is an increasing transient, unfocused attitude from some online daters; sadly this creates a vicious circle of bad manners and ghosting. However, if your friends can’t set you up with anyone and you have given online dating a whirl, perhaps it is time to look at a well established, traditional Dating Agency and Singles club like RSVP. Prospective members who meet with our Dating Consultants often express frustration from fruitless and, on occasions, scary experiences from dating online. 

Recently, I was chatting with someone who is now in a relationship after being set up by a friend. She admitted to me that they are very happy together and was delighted not to have do battle with online dating. However, she expressed something that I hadn’t previously considered; the friend who had set them up feels responsible for the relationship and frequently reminds her of this. She also feels that it is acceptable to ask delicate questions such as ‘when are you moving in together?’.  Whilst these questions and comments may be made with good intentions, I understand why this may feel invasive.

Undoubtedly, RSVP's team of expert matchmakers work in a very personal way. The RSVP dating approach is probably unique: every potential member is interviewed face-to-face with one of our experienced Dating Consultants; then, if they choose to join RSVP there are great hand-selected matches and superb hosted singles events. The team strongly believe in communication when dating, taking the time for a proper phone call rather than back and forth texting, and then, after meeting up with a match, providing the matching team with feedback of how the date went, so they can make the next one even better. Even after 27 years of prosperous matching, we are always delighted to hear of another happy match. The RSVP's team of matchmakers wouldn’t pry and ask you personal questions about the progress of things when you have a relationship through us.

By attending RSVP singles events, often members find that they form friendships unexpectedly. Whilst joining a dating agency and making friends is unlikely to be your primary objective, it goes without saying that you can never have enough friends and it doesn't hurt to open up your social circle a little wider. One of our members made friends with another member on one of our events. Then she was set up with her brother...The rest is history.

One of the ways in which I would describe the RSVP matchmaking service is that it is perfect if you want to be set up by your friends ... and your friends don’t have anyone to set you up with. I wouldn’t wait around to be set up by friends; it perhaps won’t work out, even if you do get set up. Furthermore, I am confident in saying their database of single friends won't be as big as the RSVP database of over 26,000 life time members! You could say that by joining RSVP and undertaking matches, the team can give you all of the good parts of being set up by friends, but none of the awkward questions... To find out more about our different memberships, just fill out a few details and our team will be in touch with you shortly.

I Want To Date a Unicorn – Why it is Important to Stay Realistic When Dating

When dating, it is easier to fantasise about our ideal partner, rather than actively going out and looking for someone realistic. It is lovely to dream up a perfect wish-list and just sit back and wait for them to arrive at our front door, then they proceed to sweep us off our feet. Sadly, it is time to wake up from this and join the real world; after all, dating in the real world can be great fun, particularly with RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club.

From time to time, our Dating Consultants meet prospective members who have a shopping list or have an exact image of who they want in their head. (Sorry ladies, George Clooney is married; sorry gents, Kelly Brook is taken). However, if you are looking for like-minded, engaging, genuinely single people who are trying to meet their special someone you are in the right place. RSVP's team of expert matchmakers will urge you to approach your dating agency with positivity and an open-minded attitude. This will undoubtedly get you further than dreaming at home about handsome strangers and Hollywood happily-ever-afters. (See my earlier post on those).

An issue that really ties people up in knots is age. It really shouldn’t - after all ageing is a privilege. At RSVP, our friendly Dating Consultants interview every member and check identification, so we know every member is who they say they are and their true age. We regularly hear tales of internet dating profiles that confidently fib about age, which naturally leads us to query if there are any more areas of dishonesty. Sometimes, we all still think we are 21 years old mentally, but, sadly, this doesn’t match the age on our birth certificates. Every week we hear both members and prospective members say ‘I am a young <insert age here>’. Unfortunately, it isn’t possible to be a ‘young <insert age>’. Whilst you may have a young outlook, or perhaps you are physically active, or possibly you look good for your age, it doesn’t mean that people twenty years younger will see this and want to date you. 

Did you know 5 foot 9 is the average height for a man in the UK? And that the average dress size for a lady in the UK is a size 16? Not everyone does. The natural assumption of what we want is the default average. But if you look at society as a whole, going outside your usual social circles, there is far more diversity in body type, background and ethnicity, than perhaps you assumed. On countless occasions the RSVP's matchmakers have been asked to look for a ‘type’, however the client has then gone on to meet someone at one of our singles events who is totally different to the 'type' our matchmakers have been searching high and low for. Once again, I urge you not to get caught up in a 'type' or lengthy criteria; it really won't help your dating journey. Of course, I understand everyone has deal breakers and preferences. Just don't write people off for the sake of a couple of inches in height or dress size.

To find out more about how a dating agency like RSVP can help you on your dating journey, simply supply a few details about yourself here and someone from our team of matchmakers will be in touch soon.

If I can leave you with some food for thought, enjoy this clip from the rom-com How To Be Single about dating in New York.

27 Years of RSVP

It is amazing how fast 27 years goes, and how much changes in 27 years. Back in 1992, the internet wasn’t in every home, (forget wifi), John Major was Prime Minister, Bill Clinton was US President and Disneyland Paris had just opened. Also - and much more importantly, Dating Agency and Singles Club RSVP opened for business with dating and singles events in Northamptonshire. This was the brain child of recently retired Patrick McDonald; as a widower he struggled to meet like-minded single people. He wanted to combine both singles events with hand-picked introductions.

It may not come as a surprise to you, but this struggle still lives on for many single people today; many of our members hoped that the internet would help them find someone, but it's not as easy as it first appears. Over the 27 years, RSVP has expanded across different counties and the database of members has rapidly grown to over 26,000 lifetime members. 

So how did RSVP expand, from a one-man business in Northamptonshire to cover London, the Home Counties, West Midlands, Warwickshire, Cambridgeshire, Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire, Lincolnshire, etc? There are many answers for this; as the business built up momentum with successful matchmaking, the positive word of mouth from members helped growth through recommendations. The first adverts appeared in Birmingham Evening Mail and Birmingham Post. RSVP adverts also hit the airwaves on Heart radio.

In 1999, RSVP singles events had a revamp and, for the first time, there were different events taking place in different counties on the same day! We have continued this by hosting different events to offer our members a variety of choice in terms of distance and activity. Matchmaking was of course a busy area within the business and the RSVP’s Team of Expert Matchmakers steadily grew with the increasing member numbers.

Notably quite ahead of the curve in 1999, the first RSVP website went live. Only 13% of households in the UK had an internet connection at this time. The website was simple and concise with contact details and information about RSVP. Since then, the RSVP website has undergone several makeovers, most recently in 2017.

In 2000, probably the single biggest jump in RSVP’s enviable position occurred, with the acquisition of the Bedford-based agency, with which RSVP had enjoyed a close and mutually beneficial working relationship. At a stroke, RSVP added members in Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Lincolnshire.

The next few years were spent consolidating RSVP’s position as the largest independently-run Introduction Agency in the Heart of England, building up membership in the areas already covered and offering matching and singles events Nottingham and Derby, together with increasingly sophisticated matching techniques.

In 2005, Patrick decided to retire after 13 years of building RSVP and in came husband and wife team Anne Stringer and Roland Stringer, who retained the original team, including office manager Gaynor. They gradually modernised the business and rebranded in 2006. A new quarterly 36-page colour singles events calendar was introduced. Specialist matching and event management software was embraced and RSVP continued to pair together many brilliant couples.

By 2009, the RSVP Head Office had moved from Burton Latimer to Oakham, as RSVP built up the membership base through matchmaking and singles events in Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire.

As the years have gone on, many people ask whether there is still a place for a traditional dating agency when ‘everything is available online’. Our response is that there is definitely relevance in a traditional offline agency, when the online alternatives can be casual at best and dangerous at worst. We find that people who join a traditional dating agency are likely to be:

• Committed to finding the right person.
• Prepared to invest time, money and effort in that process.
• Less comfortable with having their face and personal details on the public internet.
• Pleased that we meet every prospective member.
• Relieved that every RSVP member really is who we say they are.

RSVP has built up excellent partnerships with venues and thrown many memorable Singles Balls, Valentines Dinners and Driving Experiences. We have proudly assisted in getting our member’s ‘back out there’ and we always look forward to hearing from our members. Some members who haven’t been active for over 10 years still get in touch with updates every now and then.

In recent years, RSVP Head Office has moved again to a more secure site on Oakham Enterprise Park. In 2017, our website had a fresh make-over, bringing with it an influx in new members. Last year we launched our bespoke RSVP Platinum Head Hunting service which has proved to be very successful. 

And, bringing us right up to date, we are testing a new Members Website and App, which will be going live in the next few weeks.

To find out more about RSVP, simply fill out a few details here and a member of our friendly enquiries team will be in touch.

Have Romantic Comedies Ruined Real Life Romantic Expectations?

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club head office, we were chatting about how invested in films, books and television series we become. Since childhood, most of us are exposed to films that subconsciously stay in our heads, shaping our mindset. From Disney Princes and Princesses, to the perfect dates on sit coms and then the fabulously cheesy romantic comedies that we frequently indulge in all lead us to wonder: ‘why do things like this never happen to me?’ We regularly forget that whatever film or TV show we are watching has been created for our entertainment and to manipulate our emotions.

Despite loving a good romantic comedy as much as the next person, I very often watch these films with a pinch of salt. Real life has taught us otherwise, but there is still the expectation that when we meet ‘the one’, our life will then measure up to the 'happily ever after' we see in the films. What happens next, after the ‘happily ever after’? Surely this is just the beginning.

Romanic comedies have provided us with many common clichés, such as the ‘public over-the-top gesture' or 'big act of love', a hypothermia-inducing kiss in the rain or perhaps a big confession that changes everything. Does this leave us hoping for this to happen in real life? Day dreaming about a bit of romantic drama like a singing and dancing proposal in an airport or a will you/won’t you make it to each other car chase is a harmless way to pass time. However is this to be expected when it comes to real life relationships and dating? At this point I feel the need to ask: would you feel comfortable with a big romantic act? In real life, might this seem a bit ... forced and unspontaneous? At RSVP, we believe everyday thoughtful little gestures mean far more than a show-stopping public romantic gesture at any time.

Obviously, real-life romance with its twists and turns, good parts and bad parts, doesn’t make the best television. Recently a film landed on Netflix called ‘Isn’t it Romantic’; a young lady called Natalie finds herself in a medically induced coma, where she finds herself trapped inside a romantic comedy, making her nauseous with all of the typical romantic comedy clichés. This movie feels very refreshing and provides an antidote to those shelves of overwhelmingly cheesy films.

Being a dating agency, at RSVP, we are of course big believers in celebrating the real life journey of love and everything that comes with it. If you'd like some expert help in finding your new beginning, just complete our simple form and a member of our team will be in touch.

Look For a New Love, Not a Replacement

Dating after you have met ‘your one’ or ‘the one’ who turned out not to be the one, is undoubtedly a challenge and something we understand very well at RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club. Everyone has a dating history and is shaped by past experience. On occasions, RSVP Dating Consultants hear prospective members describing their previous partner in a lot of detail or even show us photos of them, then requesting us to look for someone with either physical attributes or character traits that their previous partner possessed. It can be very difficult to move on from an ex, and it is natural to want to take the best parts of them with you.  However, this could be holding you back from seeing a new person’s personality and discovering their individual quirks. If you put an ex-partner on a pedestal and measure everyone else up to them, it is time to refresh your attitude and open your eyes a little wider.

At RSVP, we offer different membership levels to suit everyone. wanting to go offline dating If you need extra help in your dating journey, especially if you are trying to get over someone, our Platinum introduction agency membership will provide you with the one-to-one support with your own Dating PA. At RSVP, we meet all of our members and get to know them well. The Head Office team are there to help you on your dating journey.

When dating, it is important to think of a new person you've met as a person in their own right. It goes without saying that constant comparison to an ex could put a real strain on a new relationship. I am not suggesting forgetting the good memories of someone who was dear to you when there was once a lot of love; however, it is crucial to appreciate the differences between people and begin a new love interest as a completely new and separate chapter in your life. Learn to enjoy discovering this new person; don’t assume that they know your preferences for how you have your coffee or don’t remember that TV show that you and your ex-partner could quote back to each other. They may not immediately slot into your life and routine the way a previous partner did, but they can bring you joy and you can still enjoy a different kind of relationship. How about building new memories and traditions? Open yourself up to their life and the possibilities it could bring you both.

Don’t let your past hold your future hostage. If you are interested in starting journey with us at RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club simply provide us with some of your details and a member of our friendly team will be in touch.

How Successful is RSVP?

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club, we are frequently asked what our ‘success rate’ is by prospective members. What a difficult question to answer and it doesn’t get easier in our 27 years of business. This completely depends on how you define success. It isn’t as simple as asking a driving instructor what their pass rate is. Typically, people who are enquiring to join a Dating Agency ask something along the lines of one of the below:
-How many marriages are you responsible for?

-How many couples have got together through RSVP singles events or Introductions?

-How many RSVP couples have started a family?

So why is it so difficult to answer those questions?

Firstly, whilst we always love to hear back from members who have met their partner through us, they don’t always tell us. However, some members do keep in touch and share their success stories. RSVP's teams of experts are always delighted to receive invitations to our member’s weddings, or just little updates such as receiving postcards, letters, photos and emails from members who have met partners through us. At our head office, we have an overflowing ‘Happy Board’ full of correspondence from satisfied members.

Recently, we received the below email from a member who is now in a relationship wishing to put his account on hold: 

"...Hi Michelle,
I'm e-mailing you to ask you to put my membership on hold because I have surprised myself by finding a girlfriend. I didn't meet her at RSVP, it was at my dancing group which I attend almost every Wednesday night.
However I want you to know that that if it wasn't for RSVP the relationship would probably never have happened. By attending RSVP events, reading your Matchmakers blog and being matched with some of your lovely lady members, I was able to regain my confidence and ask my girlfriend out on a date. That first date was two months ago and since then we have been seeing each other as much as possible.
I'm going to miss the RSVP events. They were always good and well organised. Well done to you and the rest of the RSVP team, you are all doing a fantastic job.
Bye for now David*..."

The other reason for us finding the answer difficult is that success is more than bringing couples together. On plenty of occasions, we have had so many members like David*, who have remarked upon how joining RSVP, speaking regularly to head office staff alongside attending RSVP singles events has guided and supported them as members, and has given them back confidence they had lost. Understandably, we know that dating can feel difficult after years of not dating; we do advise that the more you put in at RSVP the more you will get out of your membership.

So consequently, we don’t know the specifics and can’t give you an accurate estimate of how many couples we have directly bought together. Over the 27 years of RSVP there have been so many. But, more importantly, at RSVP, we are here to help you on your dating journey and to try and help you enjoy the route to ‘finding your one’.

And the most important thing I have learnt in the last year of working at RSVP is not to focus on the end goal too much, and to enjoy each step in the path on your way.

To find out more about how to start your dating journey with RSVP, provide us with a few details about yourself and one of our friendly team of experts will get in touch.