Thursday, 3 July 2014

What is chemistry and can I influence it?

So much of our feedback from members after dates, here at Dating Agency and Singles Club RSVP, is that the introduction we provided was great, but there was just no chemistry.  And this got me thinking about whether or not there was anything that you could do to help give chemistry a nudge when out on a date.

So, first of all, what do we mean when we talk about the chemistry between people? Well, I believe it goes further than just instant physical attraction. I think there needs to be an emotional and intellectual connection with the person you are with. And this means the brain needs to be making the connection so you get that feeling of ecstasy and bliss when you meet someone you like.

When we are in a pleasurable state, our brains release dopamine, the pleasure chemical. Linking dopamine to pleasure is a simplistic summary of what happens, but we do know that when dopamine is around we get a feeling of happiness, bliss and sometimes addiction. So strong is the effect of dopamine that, even one dopamine "high" will cause the brain to increase our desire for more and therefore react positively to repeat the same experience. That's got to be a good thing if you want a second date!

Here are a few things you can do to increase your chances of attraction:
  • Remember how you hate going out to the gym, but once you have exercised you feel pretty good? Well, that's down to dopamine. So, why go for a walk or a bike ride for you first date? Or you could go on one of our fantastic adrenaline singles events or singles activities.
  • Scientists tell us that we need tyrosine to convert L-dopa into dopamine in the brain. One of the best natural sources for this is chocolate - so you can see that the Milk Tray man was correct - bringing chocolates along as a gift on your date has got to be a good idea! And there is evidence to show that when dopamine is released it dilates the pupils which replicates the effect of love and lust. Bananas, dairy goods and avocados also have the same affect - so maybe you want to make sure they are on the menu if you are going out for dinner!
  • When we laugh, the brain is stimulated and dopamine is released - creating that sense of euphoria. Furthermore, a recent study revealed that women have evolved to appreciate humour and to appreciate a man who can make them laugh. So now we know that women really do find funny men more attractive — so what are you waiting for? Make them laugh!
  • Ditch the phone when you are on a date! I've said before that just the presence of your mobile phone can have a negative effect on the connection and the quality of our conversations. What we also know is that we can get a high from just the sound of a text coming onto your phone which has been caused by dopamine and the addictive nature it can have on the brain. What this can mean, when out on a date, is that you get more pleasure from the interaction with your phone, than you do with your date, and this masks the real feelings of attractions you might otherwise have.
So, when there is so much riding on making the right first impression, don't leave things to chance. Make sure you do everything you can to make a great first impression.

If you want some more help or advice on dating have a look at the RSVP web site or at out other dating blog posts.

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