Don't make the first date an interview.

I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from RSVP dating members lately, who decide not to go on a second date because they feel they are being interviewed when they first meet someone. I am sure that no-one sets out to interrogate their match on a first meeting and there can be many reasons why this happens. Often members want to appear confident and in control of the situation, which leads them to ask lots of questions. Another reason can be that you have spent a lot of time building up the person in your mind and you are genuinely interested in finding out more in the excitement of a first meeting.  Whatever the reason, if you are aware that this can be off-putting, you can take steps to avoid this. Here are few tips.

1. Be realistic about how much information you can expect to find out about your date on a first meeting.  Don’t try and work out if this is “the one”.  You just need to know, 'would I enjoy meeting this person again?'. Take things one step at a time.
2. It’s important to appear interested in your date, so you do want to ask some questions. Just make sure they are fairly light-hearted. Avoid questions that are too deep or personal; neither of you should be talking about ex-partners on a first meeting. Or whether you want children. Or whether you want to get married (again). Have a look at this article to give you some ideas. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions.
3. Once you have asked your questions, listen to what they are saying! There’s nothing worse than being asked to talk about yourself and then not listened to once you start answering the question.
4. Try and be open-minded about what you are hearing. It’s very rare for any two partners to agree on everything or have identical hobbies and interests, plus sometimes opposites attract, so give the person a fair chance.
5. Whilst you do want to hear about the other person, be prepared to talk a little about yourself. I often hear people say that you have two ears and one mouth, so you should think about a ratio of about 2:1 listening: talking.