Are we where we want to be?

This is the first of a series of posts commissioned by RSVP from Becki Coombe. When not date-hunting herself, Becki delivers a range of education and training courses. One of Becki’s main areas of interest is teaching people how to provide Mental Health ‘First Aid’ but even more pro-actively encouraging others to recognise and look after their own wellbeing. You can read more about what Becki does at www.thelearn2group.org.uk. (Oh and incidentally, even though Becki classes herself as having an active lifestyle and being nutritionally balanced – she says she doesn’t have a line of dates waiting either)!! 

It always makes me smile when someone asks me “so what would your ideal man look/be like”?! And this is, of course, particularly relevant for members of dating agency RSVP, dating one-to-one or going out on RSVP singles events.

At the mature age of 40 I have concluded that there will probably be only one thing certain of someone that I have a relationship with – there is a mutual spark and liking of each other. The rest of the details – who knows?!!

When I swipe and click through dating apps and sites (honestly I’m not a serial date-hunter?!) I still, however, find myself drawn to a certain ‘type’. Without question there are always men that I feel I wouldn’t have a connection with, or that I feel wouldn’t be interested in me. Whether these decisions are justified or not, it does lead me to wonder if all date-hunters are in places in their life that would compliment their idea of an ideal match?

This could be emotionally (I’m starting to wonder if there should be a mandatory waiting period before you can ‘advertise’ yourself to date after coming out of a long and serious relationship?!!), but it could also be lifestyle factors such as activities or nutrition?

I was recently part of a conversation where some singles that were currently living a more sedentary lifestyle were complaining that they were not receiving invitations to date. It led me to wonder if us date-hunters are actually where we want to be – never mind us trying to select where we want others to be?!!

So if this resonates with someone you know, I have narrowed this down to three areas:

1) Emotional Wellbeing

Is the date-hunter in a place where they could explore a new relationship without drawing on the past or experiencing mixed emotions that may get in the way of getting to know someone?

2) Active Lifestyle

Does the date-hunter engage in activities that they may be able to comfortably share within a new relationship. For example if they like the idea of dating someone ‘active’, would they be able to enjoy a walk/run/game with their date – without dreading the idea or having an ambulance on speed dial?!

3) Nutritionally Balanced

Does the date-hunter balance their calorie intake with calorie outgoings. When you break nutrition down, the purpose of food is to build, repair and fuel our body. If we consume more than we spend the additional food nutrients will be stored in the form of fat ‘to be used at a later point’ – if ever needed.

Whatever the responses to each of the three areas are above, I believe that the date-hunter should be content with their conclusions or quite simply, make adaptations until they are! But, if the responses aren’t where they would like them to be, consider reflecting on what you are also telling and asking from a prospective date?

This is the first of a series blog posts from me about emotional wellbeing and achieving balanced nutrition. If you want to get in touch with me, you can do so via my website: www.thelearn2group.org.uk.

Becki Coombe

Can anyone be 'Self Partnered'?

Actress Emma Watson recently described herself as ‘self partnered’ rather than single in an interview with Vogue Magazine. This new ‘self partnered’ term has caused quite a stir and divided option. Last week #selfpartnered was trending on Twitter. Two members of the RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club Team discuss whether they are on board with the term ‘self partnered'.

‘Self partnered’ Why not?

My first reaction when I heard that Emma Watson described herself as ‘Self partnered’, was an eye roll. It reminded me of when actress Gwyneth Paltrow described her split with Chris Martin as ‘consciously uncoupling’. Then, after reading the interview in full, not just the media sound bite, I changed my mind. 

Watson discusses how, previously, she hated being single and found herself in consecutive co-dependent relationships. She is now embracing single life and embarking on her dating journey, resulting in her being happier in herself. Like many RSVP Dating Agency members she doesn't want to use dating apps. According to Watson, ‘self partnered ‘ comes from a place of confidence and empowerment that she didn’t have in her early twenties.
I conclude that, whilst I don’t see anything wrong with the term 'single', it goes without saying that to some it can be interpreted in negative ways. Is there anything wrong with coming up with a term to say that you are fulfilled and single? Absolutely not.

‘Self Partnered’ Definitely not!

Whilst I have no problem with Emma Watson being happily single, I really don’t think anyone can describe themselves as ‘self partnered’. It is needless to say that a partnership consists of two people, so one may wonder why Watson is putting two contradicting words together.

Not only do I find this term pretentious, but I don’t understand why she couldn’t simply say ‘I am happily single’. At RSVP, we work hard to make sure our members are enjoying their dating journey because we do appreciate it can be tough. Perhaps ‘self partnered’ comes from a defensive place, because Watson’s personal life has been brutally under scrutiny since puberty and she is trying to control the narrative.

Whilst I applaud Watson for being honest with how she is feeling and I am pleased that she is content with single life and dating, I really cannot see the phrase ‘self partnered’ taking off and becoming a mainstream term substituting ‘single’. 

Would you describe yourself as 'self partnered'? Or would you like to enter in a partnership with someone else? To find out more about how RSVP can help you on your dating journey, simply provide us with a few details about yourself and a member of our Enquiries Team will be in touch.