Friday, 15 November 2019

Are we where we want to be?

This is the first of a series of posts commissioned by RSVP from Becki Coombe. When not date-hunting herself, Becki delivers a range of education and training courses. One of Becki’s main areas of interest is teaching people how to provide Mental Health ‘First Aid’ but even more pro-actively encouraging others to recognise and look after their own wellbeing. You can read more about what Becki does at www.thelearn2group.org.uk. (Oh and incidentally, even though Becki classes herself as having an active lifestyle and being nutritionally balanced – she says she doesn’t have a line of dates waiting either)!! 

It always makes me smile when someone asks me “so what would your ideal man look/be like”?! And this is, of course, particularly relevant for members of dating agency RSVP, dating one-to-one or going out on RSVP singles events.

At the mature age of 40 I have concluded that there will probably be only one thing certain of someone that I have a relationship with – there is a mutual spark and liking of each other. The rest of the details – who knows?!!

When I swipe and click through dating apps and sites (honestly I’m not a serial date-hunter?!) I still, however, find myself drawn to a certain ‘type’. Without question there are always men that I feel I wouldn’t have a connection with, or that I feel wouldn’t be interested in me. Whether these decisions are justified or not, it does lead me to wonder if all date-hunters are in places in their life that would compliment their idea of an ideal match?

This could be emotionally (I’m starting to wonder if there should be a mandatory waiting period before you can ‘advertise’ yourself to date after coming out of a long and serious relationship?!!), but it could also be lifestyle factors such as activities or nutrition?

I was recently part of a conversation where some singles that were currently living a more sedentary lifestyle were complaining that they were not receiving invitations to date. It led me to wonder if us date-hunters are actually where we want to be – never mind us trying to select where we want others to be?!!

So if this resonates with someone you know, I have narrowed this down to three areas:

1) Emotional Wellbeing
Is the date-hunter in a place where they could explore a new relationship without drawing on the past or experiencing mixed emotions that may get in the way of getting to know someone?

2) Active Lifestyle
Does the date-hunter engage in activities that they may be able to comfortably share within a new relationship. For example if they like the idea of dating someone ‘active’, would they be able to enjoy a walk/run/game with their date – without dreading the idea or having an ambulance on speed dial?!

3) Nutritionally Balanced
Does the date-hunter balance their calorie intake with calorie outgoings. When you break nutrition down, the purpose of food is to build, repair and fuel our body. If we consume more than we spend the additional food nutrients will be stored in the form of fat ‘to be used at a later point’ – if ever needed.

Whatever the responses to each of the three areas are above, I believe that the date-hunter should be content with their conclusions or quite simply, make adaptations until they are! But, if the responses aren’t where they would like them to be, consider reflecting on what you are also telling and asking from a prospective date?

This is the first of a series blog posts from me about emotional wellbeing and achieving balanced nutrition. If you want to get in touch with me, you can do so via my website: www.thelearn2group.org.uk.

Becki Coombe


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