Is my relationship ‘status’: “Pre-Successful”?

This is the final piece in a series of posts commissioned by RSVP from Becki Coombe. When not date-hunting herself, Becki delivers a range of education and training courses. One of Becki’s main areas of interest is teaching people how to provide Mental Health ‘First Aid’ but even more pro-actively encouraging others to recognise and look after their own wellbeing. You can read more about what Becki does at www.thelearn2group.org.uk.

Let’s face it – we all love a label right?! What sex do we identify with, what religion are we and don’t even get me started on whether I am ‘allowed’ to tick the “single” instead of “divorced” box on a form?!!

But on a film I watched recently, I heard the term “pre-successful” being used by someone who was unemployed and I wondered – is this something that I could also lend to my dating situation?...

…so the pros are of course that it may be perceived as a more positive way of saying “yes, I am still single” and it may just baffle someone enough to then not carry on and ask that ridiculous question “how/why are you single”? (You have to have some singles in the world to keep RSVP single events and dating agencies like RSVP running)?! I also like that it infers that there is a successful relationship to come in the future.

…alternatively, there could be an interpretation that not being in a relationship is actually a failure/ being unsuccessful – which is simply not the case.

So even though I am not convinced by my thoughts enough to write to Facebook and ask them to add an additional relationship status category, I have had a moment or two confirm, that the way we perceive things may have an impact on how we choose to live from day-to-day;

- at this time of year for example, many people have made New Years resolutions. Why?!!! Every one of us has the capacity to make choices and changes at any first or middle date of any of the twelve months!

- when people comment that we look nice in something we often quickly reply with ‘oh I’ve had this years/I got it in a sale’. Why?!!! Every one of us can train ourselves to say thank you and acknowledge the personal compliment for exactly what it was!

- when people comment that they don’t meet new people (or dates!), then state that they don’t go to any local/community/advertised activities… why?!!! Every one of us has the capacity to Google local interests and get involved in a way that suits ourselves.

So as a closing comment from me in this series of blog posts about emotional wellbeing and achieving balanced nutrition; who do you want to be, how do you want to feel and how do you want to live – whether you realised it or not, the power is all in your own hands. So take it, cherish it and enjoy it!

If you want to get in touch with me, you can do so via my website: www.thelearn2group.org.uk.

Becki Coombe

There Are Two People in Every Relationship

Recently the team at Dating Agency and Singles Club RSVP were discussing deal breakers within relationships. The typical things that come out usually are...

• Not wanting to date anyone with children
• Not getting married again
• Not divorcing someone who they are legally separated from
• Not wanting to be with someone who has a pet. 

So in theory, if they do find the person who is right in every other way…the deal breaker -such as something from the above - would write them off and stop them from entering into a relationship. So, there would be no possibility of somewhere down the line of you or they perhaps changing their mind?

The RSVP team of expert matchmakers know only too well how people can be damaged from past experiences and will form their relationship decisions based on their view of what the future holds. But the future is an unwritten book. There is always the possibility that you may find yourself in love with someone who holds different ambitions for the relationship than you do. Furthermore, as a couple, there has to be compromise and a willingness to meet in the middle, to achieve a relationship that is  healthy and evenly balanced.

If you have been single for a long time, it is normal that you become the centre of your own universe. In some instances, people overly trust their instincts to protect themselves from getting hurt, rather than using their brains rationally. Consequently, putting barriers up can be easily be damaging when entering into a new relationship. It is best not to allow the negative aspects of a past relationship affect a new relationship.

When you are embarking on a new relationship, it is crucial to be considerate of the other person and respect their expectations. It goes without saying that you should never compare a current partner to a previous one. If you are relaxed and have formed a trust with a new person, perhaps you will love them more and relax your rules and expectations. It is worth putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. 

For instance, what if your partner is desperate to get a pet cat and you don’t like animals? Does your love for that person outweigh your dislike of pets? Would you really miss out on a potentially great relationship for the sake of some - dare we say it - arbitrary preference? In life, nothing is certain and people can change...including yourself. We should not fear change, as it often brings new experiences and possibilities. People who are willing to evolve and build up a new life are likely to be those who will make the best partners.


To find out more about the different memberships for dating and singles events at RSVP, call a member of our team of relationship experts on 01572 774882 or complete an online enquiry form.