The power of positivity

At RSVP Singles Club and dating agency, we know how much time and effort people invest in finding a suitable partner. One big reason people join the RSVP dating agency is to save all that time and effort and have our savvy team of matchmakers do the hard work for them. But some people put all their focus on specifying this yet-to-be-found future partner at the expense of what they might do themselves to improve their chances.

Writer, Anne-Marie Wiesman has suggested a number of ways that you can attract healthier relationships. Her first four points are all about looking internally to make sure that you are ready for a new relationship; she feels that maintaining a positive self-image is key to a happy relationship and this can be nurtured by being prepared to treat yourself well and starting a kind inner-dialogue. Just by linking your idea of self-worth with positives and, most of all, letting go of any mistakes you have made in the past and not blaming yourself for them, you can open up to a new and positive relationship.

The matching team here at RSVP are all experienced in talking about relationships and happy to discuss any worries you might have, to help you build that necessary positive self-image. Platinum Dating PAs are able to really give some insight into romantic scenarios through their extensive knowledge about dating and from their nurturing of their personal relationships with their Platinum members. Additionally, if low self-confidence stems from a lack of self-belief regarding physical appearance, we can also refer you to our, Dating Image Coach Sue Donnelly, author of several books about personal image and how to improve it. Together, we can help you prepare yourself so that you’re ready for when that special someone comes along.

The soul mate quest

Here at dating agency and soulmate finders RSVP, we think everyone deserves that chance to find someone special. Our dedicated matching team and Platinum Dating PAs work night and day providing opportunities for RSVP members to meet other eligible singles, with the hope that one of them may be what is classically called ‘the one’.

Now, we realise that a lot of people have a very specific idea of what they’re looking for in a partner and sometimes find it hard to stay open-minded. We have learned through our many years of accumulated match-making experience that “the one” is rarely a carbon copy of the person someone has in their mind; instead, he/she is a living, breathing person with strengths and weaknesses, just like their own.

An article at The Power of Positivity says that the main signs you have found your soul mate are that they are supportive and share similar values and morals. Sharing those fundamental values – such as attitudes on family and finances – are much more important predictors of having found your soul mate than having a couple of hobbies in common. You may find that if your partner enjoys watching Rugby while you are more of a Wimbledon fan, you end up supporting each other and enjoying two different activities. One of the aspects of dating that some people find equally daunting and enjoyable is that you are often exposed to different interests; you never know, you may find that you start to enjoy something new!

The RSVP matching team are always on hand to offer advice about dating and a supportive word when our members need it. The quest for a soul mate can be a difficult one, but if positivity and open-mindedness are at the fore-front, it’s a quest with a high success rate. 

Being different is good for your dating life

At RSVP singles club and introductions agency, many of our members have busy professional lives and are successful in the respective fields. To climb to the top of the career ladder, you have to be a forward thinking individual but does being non-conformist do anything for your love life?

A study recently published by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin was designed to test the assumption that women like non-conformist men while men like conformist women. In actual fact, it was found that both genders prefer partners who stick out a bit and voice their opinions rather than following the crowd. Mic commented on these findings in a recent article by illustrating how it is better to be like Elizabeth Bennet from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice than her complacent sister Jane.

Elizabeth is feisty and not afraid to speak her mind and is attractive in her happiness to do her own thing. Unlike other ladies of the time, Elizabeth was happy to trample through muddy fields by foot instead of taking a carriage.

In our modern times, muddy walking might not be seen as the height of individuality but it is a lot of fun! The 30 RSVP singles events every month feature a variety of activities, including a different Sunday walk every week, rain or shine where there is plenty of opportunity to get your boots muddy like Elizabeth Bennet! If that’s not your thing, we also have a range of adrenaline-boosting events from Helicopter Lessons to Indoor Skydiving, which surely give you the chance to stick out from the crowd, whilst being great fun at the same time. Request a sample RSVP singles events calendar today. 

Voicemails and dating

As a responsible dating agency and singles club, at RSVP we always aim to equip our members with what it takes to get the best from dating. And, at some point in many dating scenarios, you’re likely to have to make contact with your potential date by phone.

If you type into your favourite search engine anything connected with “dating” and “voicemails”, you will find a multitude of self-help articles, forums and postings ranging from expressing anxiety to the simple how-tos. In this communication-savvy age of social media, it’s surprising that there is still so much worry about leaving voicemails, technology that has been around since the 1970s.

Perhaps due to the surplus of different methods of communication, the need to leave voicemails has declined, and this is even true in the business world, with many like Michael Brandenburg writing blog posts about the waning moon of voicemails and how phone calls are normally anticipated due to a preliminary form of communication coming first.

At RSVP we advise our members to manage that first contact with their matches. Once the RSVP matching team has selected the match and gained permission from both parties to give one of them a phone number, some of our new members may be baffled as to how to proceed, until they read our members guide. The advice we give is to always send a nice friendly text to the other person to introduce yourself and to arrange a good time to call. After all, many of our members are busy working professionals, and it is considerate to find a time when both people are able to give their attention to the phone call, which ideally would be the first of many. The other upside of this is that by texting first, you can avoid the dreaded voicemail!

Building rapport: science offers some suggestions

At dating agency and singles club RSVP, a necessary element in our introduction process is a first “meeting”. Our matching team and Platinum Dating PAs try to avoid calling  these meetings “dates”, as when you are meeting someone new for the first time, it can be difficult to stay relaxed and natural, without the added pressure of labelling it a date. So we tend to think of them as a precursor for a date that might follow if you hit it off with the other person.

But how do you hit it off with someone in a short space of time? And how can you increase your odds of it leading to a successful and happy relationship? These are big questions, but science has found a nice hint to starting those relationships off on the right footing.

In a recent article on Mic.com, compliments might be a good basis for a happy relationship – whether romantic or platonic. The act of giving and receiving compliments genuinely increases your feelings of vulnerability, which in turn allows a deeper impact on each other and helps build intimacy. This has been supported in a study by Professor Janet Holmes who suggested that compliments allow people to address and appreciate things they value in their partners and friends, which deepens those relationships.

However, when you first start seeing someone, there is an art to making a genuine compliment and sometimes it is better to focus on complimenting actions and personality characteristics, in preference to those about appearance, which can sometimes be perceived as shallow and artificial. Telling someone that they make you laugh or they have a great opinion about something can be seen as more heart-felt and can be great way to build rapport at that very first ..."meeting".

Kindness and generosity make your relationship last

Feverish activity at dating agencies like RSVP across the land marks the start of a new year, when singles’ minds turn to love and the seeking of new relationships. It is also the time of year where the most engagements occur. Whether you’re seeking a new relationship or committing to one, what does it take to make a relationship last, so you can be one of RSVP's success stories?

Several studies have come up with an answer: that it comes down to sharing kindness and generosity. That might seem over-simplified; surely most people would prefer that the spouse were both kind and generous? But in the research of John Gottman and Robert Levenson at the University of Washington, it seems there is much deeper significance. In one of his most important studies, Gottman measured the physiology of newly-wed couples as they talked about different aspects of each other, both positive and negative:

• Over the long-term, he found correlation between how couples that had either separated or were drastically unhappy after six years (he labelled them “Disasters”) seemed during the interview to be biologically ready to attack, producing more sweat with higher pulse rates, even if outwardly they appeared calm.

• By contrast, couples who were still happy in marriages after six years had behaved physiologically more calmly at interview and Gottman named them “Masters”.

To account for these differences, the team theorised that Disasters were constantly on their guard, ready to attack or be attacked, which obviously isn’t good for a relationship. Gottman followed up this study by investigating why Masters were more relaxed with each other and why that led to more satisfaction within a relationship.

During another experiment with newlyweds, they observed couples attempting to make connections over a day with small “bids” for attention based on their own interests. This reflected on their relationship in how kindly their partner took up the bid or rejected it. If their spouse reacted with interest, this created an atmosphere of affection and intimacy that was much easier to sustain over time, whilst if they discounted it as unimportant or just ignored it, that added to a culture of unease and unwillingness to share interests in the long term.

Showing an interest in each other adds up in the long term, so it is important to be as positive and inclusive in those day-to-day interactions. And, for those of you approaching your new year's dating like a shopping expedition - must be over 6ft, must have a degree, can't have a beard, name can't begin with a 'K' - if you want a relationship that lasts, forget the lot and replace them with just two things: kindness and generosity.

If you need some help, talk to the friendly team of relationship experts at RSVP.

Online dating can be bad for your wealth

RSVP is a traditional dating agency, away from the world of internet dating websites, running members only singles events and selecting hand-picked one-to-one matches. One of the prerequisites of becoming a member is that one of our client advisors meets each prospective member before joining. We do this to ensure the safety of all our current members, as well as to make certain that everyone actually is who they say they are and genuinely interested in finding a partner.

But not all companies involved with dating can guarantee this crucial point. Online dating websites that allow anybody to register for free with just an email address have time and again proved to be an easy way for scammers to find vulnerable targets.

In August, four people appeared in Winchester Crown Court after being charged with conspiracy to defraud and money laundering. Two of them have since been convicted. This happened after an elaborate scam on the well-known dating website Match.com, where a profile of an attractive man was set up to entice women and then ask them for money after they had gained their trust. In a ploy distressingly similar to those Nigerian Prince Inheritance email scams, the group hooked vulnerable ladies by exploiting their emotions and as the BBC reported:

“Prosecutors said the men eventually started asking the women to pay money for legal fees in India to release £100m in inheritance they said they were owed.

Many of the women started handing over money ranging from £700 in one case to £174,000 in another case. A total of £220,000 was handed over by the women to the gang, the court heard.”

Everyone who has ever dated knows how nerve-wracking it can feel when you first begin dating. You have to put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable under the expectant gaze of the opposite sex and then get to know someone all over again. It’s incredibly sad that some people have managed to con others when they’re in this frame of mind. It’s very brave to try to take up alternative dating routes when the traditional meet-someone-in-the-pub-or-the-office has not worked out, so the threat of criminals posing as charming singles who suddenly need to borrow a little money should make you a little wary but hopefully not put you off entirely.

Here at RSVP, we're obviously keen to point out the myriad advantages of traditional introduction agencies. But if you choose online dating, our top tips are:

• If something seems too good to be true, it almost certainly is. So, beware.
• Always tell someone where you are going, the name of the person you are meeting and when you expect to be back.
• Be instantly on your guard if whoever you’re talking to starts asking for money under any circumstances.
• Don't flaunt yourself or your wealth.

But if you really want to stay safe and hang on to your wealth, contact us at RSVP and find out more about how we keep you dating safely at RSVP.

To read more about the Match.com case, follow the links here and here.