The Power of Positive Thinking in Dating

On my way back from one of the RSVP singles events in Northamptonshire the other day, I was reflecting that all of us affect, in one way or another, the people around us. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our personality very quickly when they meet us and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

The power of positive thinking is not ignoring reality. Bad things still happen to postive people as they do with negative people. However there are numerous scientific studies that prove beyond doubt that the power of positive thinking is that hopeful, optimistic people have been shown to be more healthy and live longer and generally report greater satisfaction with life.

The advantageous impact of positive thought can therefore have a significant impact on first impressions when dating. One of the most common requests I hear when I am meeting singles joining dating agency RSVP is that they want to meet someone with a positive outlook on life.

So, if you want to make yourself more attractive to potential partners, then I suggest you determine to be positive throughout the day, wherever you are. I guarantee that, by appearing positive and upbeat, you will make yourself more attractive and meet more people.

Other positive actions you can take:

1. Look through your dating profile and eliminate any negative statements - dislikes, mustn't haves, no this, no that, you know the kind of thing. 
2. Never talk about past relationships. Chances are, if you are dating, your previous relationships didn't work. Whatever the reason, the new person in your life won't want to hear about it! Remember to stay positive when out on a date. This might mean you prepare some topics of conversation before you make that first phone call or go out on a date.
3. Try not to complain about the service in the restaurant or how your last date went. You would do much better to talk about what you are looking forward to, or something you are passionate about. In this way your energy and positivity will shine through and make you much more attractive.
4. Remove negative influences that bring you down. If your friends are constantly critical about things, this will strongly influence how you react to things. Avoid anyone who zaps your positive thinking - they are positivity vampires who want to make you as miserable as they are: Radio 4's Today programme, for example.
5. Avoid talking yourself down - what is often called negative self-talk on motivation courses. You need to believe in yourself first before you can expect anyone else to believe in you. 

If you think a more positive outlook might improve your dating prospects, try one or both of these:

Beyond Positive Thinking: The Advanced Formula for Total Success Revealing a Guaranteed Path to Getting the Results You Want.

Kiss That Frog!: 12 Great Ways to Turn Negatives into Positives in Your Life and Work.

RSVP Valentine's Singles Ball

RSVP team members Matt and Tina

I have just been reviewing some of the great feedback we have had after our Valentine Ball last Saturday. This was just one of the many singles events hosted by RSVP, this time a singles event in Leicestershire at the Hunting Lodge Hotel. I was relieved that the temperature warmed up just a little for the glam ladies in their beautiful ball gowns - not much room for thermals under some of those!

It's so nice to see that so many of our members enjoyed themselves. And even better news is that we had a couple of successful matches on the evening too! And what joy to see Nigel and Ann enjoying each other's company, having got together just before Christmas at another event.

I can't wait until our May Ball! And we have some other fantastic events coming in March, including a tour of St Pancras Hotel, a walking weekend, a tour around Silverstone and lots of singles walks. Some of these singles events are open to non-members. And Wendy, our Events Manager is busy preparing the calendar for April to June which we will be publishing soon.

I was reflecting that the great thing about an RSVP event is not just that you get to meet so many other single people, but that you get to have fun mixing with such great people. As a host, my job at the events is to make sure people have a good time, but that is so easy when the people you are mixing with are such fun. I danced the night away and couldn't believe it when it was time to go home. I really do think that I have the best job in the world. 

Nigerian Dating Scams

We all know that there are plenty of scams on internet dating sites but the number of stories of people being hoaxed by these scams seems to be increasing and it is making the national news headlines. We all like to think that we are too savvy to be caught out by a scam, but I wanted to give you some hints and tips to keep you safe while dating. These tips are aimed at internet daters but many apply equally to any date you go on. You need to be applying the same thought process regardless of where you were first introduced to the your date. And guys, you are just as much at risk as girls.

1. Use your intuition. If something seems odd, or you get a funny feeling, or something just doesn't seem right, go with your instincts. Many Nigerian and Malaysian scammers use pictures of models but the smarter ones are now stealing pictures of “real people” to use. This is going to sound harsh, but you need to be realistic - if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all like to be flattered and flirted with; however, when it happens, don’t let common sense go out of the window.
2. Be alert.
   Scammers prey on the emotionally vulnerable - kind-hearted, people who are looking for a genuine person to love. And don't go thinking it’s just women that are scammed; in fact, some research suggests that men over 50 are most at risk to internet scammers. The only reason we don’t read about it so often is that they're less willing to admit they've been duped; I hear plenty of horror stories from guys who come to join my dating agency RSVP having been scammed on the internet and they are often intelligent businessmen who didn’t follow rule number one above.
3. Do some simple checking.
   Look out for poorly-worded profiles with bad grammar or capital letters in strange places in the sentence. If the profile sounds a little too well written, then try copying a phrase into Google to see how many times it appears in the results. Internet scammers tend to use the same profile on many sites. If the person you are chatting to on-line lives or works abroad, be alert that the chance of them being a scammer is much greater – use the internet to research who they say they work for and where they have offices overseas.
4. Don't send money to someone you haven't met.
   The alarm bells should start ringing as soon as you are asked to send some money. Think about it: would you ask someone you have only just met for money? It isn’t just the Nigerian and Malaysian scammers that use this technique. There are plenty of dishonest people here who use dating sites to find vulnerable, kind hearted people who want to help others.

Learn more about internet dating scams on our dating tips and advice website.

You can of course avoid a lot of heartache and worry by choosing a reputable introduction agency where they meet all their clients before they join. No scammer is going to risk that kind of exposure - and they are usually in a faraway land anyway!

But, whichever way you date, be careful out there.

Book Review: Simply Irresistible: The Psychology Of Seduction by Dr Raj Persaud

Want to know how to catch and keep your ideal partner?

I have just finished re-reading this fascinating book by Professor Raj Persaud and I thought I would share the details of the excellent read. I would make it required reading for everyone looking to find a partner!

Well-written and easy to read, Professor Raj looks at the way psychology can help unravel mysteries of attraction! This is great news for those amongst us who seek to determine our own fate and would rather not leave seduction to chance.

In this illuminating follow-up to his acclaimed bestseller, The Motivated Mind, Dr Raj Persaud draws on research to show not only how to increase your attractiveness generally, but how to become absolutely irresistible to anyone.

For example, do you know…

·         That experiments on dating can predict with over 80% accuracy who will be attracted to whom by whether just a few simple conversational strategies are used on a date?

·         Why women wear lipstick and blusher on their cheeks?

·         That seeking to agree 100% of the time on a date is not actually the best strategy to use?

If I had to sum up the key piece of advice that Professor Raj Persaud offers, it would be to concentrate on the good things you have to offer others - and develop these, rather than focusing on what you are looking for. Time and again, I see that the most successful RSVP dating agency members are those who concentrate on enhancing their own life experiences, including by coming to RSVP singles events, rather than coming to me with a long list of “must-have” attributes of the person they would like to meet.

And when you are thinking about what your ideal partner will be like, take time to discover who you are and what makes you tick. Long-term relationships rely on compatibility far more than the strength of the initial attraction!

This book is packed with frank, witty and easy to follow advice together with useful questionnaires to help you evaluate how you can best succeed in your search. I highly recommend this to those of you who are looking to catch – and keep – your perfect partner.

Read, learn and enjoy. Oh, and if you need a little help from your friendly introduction agency experts, you know where we are.

RSVP members made of stern stuff!

Well, what a weekend! I hosted a superb meal at The Old Fire Engine House in Ely on Saturday evening, as one of RSVP's singles events in Cambridgeshire.

We decided to go ahead with the event despite the forecast of snow and although three people decided not to risk the weather, the rest of the group of 16 made it to the venue and we had a superb meal and good conversation - that's what we want from our singles events! I can certainly recommend this venue!

At the end of the evening, we opened the door to leave the restaurant and were confronted with a blizzard! Although the forecast had warned of snow, we were surprised at how fast it had come down!

I took a quick picture of Roland clearing the car - you can see the nice, warm restaurant in the background and you can just pick out Michael's landrover, our hero of the night - see below!

Most of the members managed to get away okay but we did have to tow one lady out of the drift and I was really impressed by a chap who lived on the road who came out to help us - a real good Samaritan. After several attempts at driving herself home, we eventually had to conclude that she wasn't going to make it home. So, one of our members, the lovely Michael, offered to drive her all the way home (in the opposite direction). He eventually arrived back at his home at 2.30am.

So having spent about two hours making sure everyone left okay, Roland and I set off on our journey back home. Luckily, we have four wheel drive and snow tyres! This doesn't really help, though, when the rest of the traffic can't move - as we discovered when we got to Huntingdon on the A14, where we found ourselves stuck in a queue (after an hour of waiting, we found it was caused by lorries unable to get up a hill). Thankfully, we had come prepared and put blankets and a flask of hot water in the car, so we were kitted out for the worst - spending the night in the car. However, we were relieved and very grateful to the police, who eventually managed to clear one lane so we were able to continue home, arriving around 3am!

We slept well!

Welcome to our RSVP Dating Blog

Hi, it's Anne here Chief Matchmaker from dating agency and singles club RSVP. We've decided to create this blog in to share some of our experiences here at RSVP, where we have been making happy couples for twenty years (as at 2012).

We want you all to see the life of a modern day matchmaker and also get the latest news. On this blog we'll be...

• sharing some of the secrets usually only available to our members;
• giving you hints on what to do and, of course, what not to do when dating;
• keeping an eye out on what's new in the dating world, including reviews of the latest dating books and courses out on the market.

What's more, our fantastic Events Manager will be letting you know about our Open Taster Singles Events, so you can come along and see what being part of RSVP is all about and the hosts will be keeping you up to date on how our many events have gone throughout the year.

And look out for our Dating Guru who will be sharing some of her top coaching tips.