Don't make the first date an interview.

I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from RSVP dating members lately, who decide not to go on a second date because they feel they are being interviewed when they first meet someone. I am sure that no-one sets out to interrogate their match on a first meeting and there can be many reasons why this happens. Often members want to appear confident and in control of the situation, which leads them to ask lots of questions. Another reason can be that you have spent a lot of time building up the person in your mind and you are genuinely interested in finding out more in the excitement of a first meeting.  Whatever the reason, if you are aware that this can be off-putting, you can take steps to avoid this. Here are few tips.

1. Be realistic about how much information you can expect to find out about your date on a first meeting.  Don’t try and work out if this is “the one”.  You just need to know, 'would I enjoy meeting this person again?'. Take things one step at a time.
2. It’s important to appear interested in your date, so you do want to ask some questions. Just make sure they are fairly light-hearted. Avoid questions that are too deep or personal; neither of you should be talking about ex-partners on a first meeting. Or whether you want children. Or whether you want to get married (again). Have a look at this article to give you some ideas. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions.
3. Once you have asked your questions, listen to what they are saying! There’s nothing worse than being asked to talk about yourself and then not listened to once you start answering the question.
4. Try and be open-minded about what you are hearing. It’s very rare for any two partners to agree on everything or have identical hobbies and interests, plus sometimes opposites attract, so give the person a fair chance.
5. Whilst you do want to hear about the other person, be prepared to talk a little about yourself. I often hear people say that you have two ears and one mouth, so you should think about a ratio of about 2:1 listening: talking.

Obama Talks about The Value of Meeting Face to Face

At RSVP Head Office, we have had a lot of discussion about Prince Harry's recent interview with President Obama for Radio 4’s Today program. It turns out we are not the only ones, this has become one of the most talked about interviews for months. Throughout the interview they talked about a variety of different current topics that resonate well with dating and our members at RSVP.

Image of Prince Harry by Suzanne Plunkett, CC BY 2.0

The first thing that struck a chord with us was when Obama discussed the positives and negatives of the internet and social media, he stated "One of the dangers of the internet is that people can have entirely different realities. They can be cocooned in information that reinforces their current biases”.

This is one of the reasons why RSVP Dating Agency and Singles club don't operate online like other agencies and dating websites; everything is done in house with a team of specifically trained people who learn and have a more sensitive understanding of our members than that of a computer operated database which churns out basic results.

Furthermore Obama elaborated "...it’s important for them to get offline, meet in a pub, meet in a place of worship, meet in a neighbourhood and get to know each other, because the truth is that on the internet everything is simplified". At RSVP we are huge believers in getting out there and taking chances with people; this could be a simple coffee with an introduction or attending one of our fabulous singles events. We often have members say things like 'I wish I joined years ago, I am so much happier now I am getting out and meeting new people’.

Returning back to the interview, another thing that is worth noting is when Obama said;  “When you meet people face-to-face, it turns out they’re complicated. There may be somebody who you think is diametrically opposed to you when it comes to their political views, but you root for the same sports team. Or you notice that they’re really good parents. You find areas of common ground because you see that things aren’t as simple as had been portrayed in whatever chatroom you’d been in".

There have been plenty of similar instances at RSVP when we send out a profile of one member to another. They are a good match, but then the member may phone up us up because they see something on the profile that they don’t like, fixating on one small point that they disagree with or don’t see a commonality. We always say that a profile is a tiny slice of the overall picture of who someone is. Having different hobbies to yourself or different religion or ethnicity doesn’t matter at all when you actually meet them face to face.

To open up new doors and to kick start your 2018 into a more socially-filled 'getting out there' year, get in touch with our team at RSVP and we'll organise a meeting with one of our friendly Dating Consultants.

A Modern Royal Love Story & Keeping an Open Mind whilst Dating

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club, naturally we always like to hear a good love

story... And the recent Royal engagement with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was no different. You may be wondering why we are choosing to comment on this, since that it has already been well covered in the news and media since the announcement. And what this Royal engagement has to do with RSVP? Funnily enough, from this we can draw many parallels to a number of RSVP success stories.

An engagement ring © Cytherium 

CC BY-SA 3.0

At RSVP, we interview every prospective member before joining, asking a range of different questions to get to know all about them and their expectations from a potential partner. Very often we hear similar comments; for example a gentlemen might say ‘I don’t want to date anyone older than me’. Another comment that we sometimes get from ladies might be ‘I don’t see the point in meeting someone who lives more than 50 miles away from me’. If both Harry and Meghan had this approach, they would never have started dating. Meghan is 3 years older than Harry and they previously lived across the Atlantic from each other.

Interestingly, Meghan is of mixed heritage; on occasions people say to us that they only want to date within their own religion and ethnicity, then they meet actually someone who has a different background to them and soon see that it really isn’t the obstacle they think it is. RSVP's team of expert matchmakers occasionally will encourage a member to take an introduction from someone who is a little outside their criteria. They are often pleasantly surprised that it has worked out well and are pleased that they kept an open mind. 

We also strongly recommend members go to our RSVP singles events, open to all members regardless of membership level, age or location. At an RSVP singles event, you will be meeting a larger section of members and, unsurprisingly, our singles events have a brought many couples together too, as you'll see from our success stories.

So, our recommendations from Harry and Meghan's success? Be open-minded to potential partners and don't put barriers up based on past experiences or old-fashioned notions that you may be unnecessarily holding on to. To start your own love story, book an appointment with one of our dating consultants.

Dating and Singles Events Nerves

One of the main things that often holds single people back from getting out there and dating is because they are nervous. If you focus in on this and come up with reasons why – it could be that they haven’t dated in while; or it could be because of low body confidence; but the most common reason is trust, particularly when it is a blind date and they don’t know very much about the person they are going on a date with.

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club, we are confident we can help you on all of the above; allow me to address each of the above: 

Trust. if you are meeting people online, your safety may be compromised because you’re meeting a complete stranger and there is a chance that they are not who they say they are. At RSVP, we meet every single one of our members, requesting proof of identity and proof of address, without exception. This gives our members the confidence and the security to meet someone new and not worry about this.

You haven’t dated in a while. Whether it is 2 years, 12 years or 25 years ago, you may find it difficult to jump back into the dating world. Dating has changed. Whilst some embrace this and enjoy the opportunity of meeting new people, others find it tricky. You may find online dating a bit of minefield and question how to write a good profile for yourself which captures your personality well but doesn’t sound too generic. Then there is actually selecting and talking to different people. At RSVP, we make dating so much easier, from writing your profile, to providing phone numbers in a secure and confidential way. Depending on your chosen level of membership at RSVP, you could have your very own Dating PA to guide and support you on your dating journey; this has undoubtedly been the key to building confidence for many of our members who appreciate this level of professional support.

Low confidence in self. We say you just have to bite the bullet and get back out there. We often have members who start by attending RSVP’s Singles Events, which is easier and than one to one dating. Doing an activity in a group of singles (this could be walking, a group meal or even a tour) will help you build up your confidence and enjoy getting back out there. As previously stated, depending on your RSVP membership level, we have Dating PAs who can talk dates through with you and provide insightful guidance to navigate your dating world; at Platinum level, you can also enjoy a free introductory session with our confidence coach.

All that said, we all have moments on dates when our nerves get the better of us. Here is my advice for dates and singles events:

1. Plan ahead. Select an outfit; make sure that is something you feel comfortable in, which makes you feel good. Do make an effort. Turning up in your gardening gear will not get you a second date. Make sure your outfit is clean, ironed and still in its first flush of youth.

2. Allow yourself plenty of time to get ready and plan your route to the venue ahead. Arriving late doesn’t give the best first impression and if you are rushing to get there it is only going to increase your stress level.

3. As tempting as it is, don’t have too much to drink. It isn’t likely to end well.

4. Try to remember that everyone has been in your shoes at some point, whether it is a first date or a first RSVP singles event, the first event/date after a long spell is always the hardest, but it gets easier after that.

5. Have a good time. This is the easiest thing to forget. Typically, people put so much onus on a date or a singles event, they don’t realise that it is simply a good opportunity to get to know others and have fun.

Breadcrumbs are only for ducks...not dating

Modern dating is hard; from being stood up to ghosting, there always seems to be a new dating trend that we should watch out for and they all seem to be worse than the one that came before it.

 

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club we have seen and heard it all from new members looking for a way out from what can be the brutal reality that can come with dating.

 

Breadcrumbing is the fresh new way for daters to mess with the people who are expressing unrequited interest in them. Breadcrumbers will maintain an irregular pattern of non-committal communication in order to lure a partner without expending much effort. Whether it is a stream of sporadic messages or a like on social media, the contact is just enough so you don’t lose interest but not too much that the relationship moves forward.

 

Because of the influential role that technology plays in the modern dating scene, breadcrumbing can be particularly infuriating if you’re in search of a genuine connection and that’s where a Dating Agency like RSVP can help. Whilst we cannot guarantee that you are going to find Mr or Ms Right straight away, we can guarantee that you’ll be on the correct path.

 

Over our 25 years of being established, RSVP’s expert matchmaking team have worked with a huge variety of people and, whether they are male or female, young or old, they all have one thing in common: they are all actively looking to find someone to share their life with away from the games that entangle modern dating.

 

If you would like to know more about our services and how our expert dating consultants can get your dating journey on the right track, contact RSVP here.

Is there a formula to finding love?

 

RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club’s team of expert matchmakers like to do plenty of research into finding love and there are numerous theories and speculations out there on the subject of finding the perfect partner. I watched a talk recently in which Mathematician Hannah Fry portrays patterns in how we look for love. In the talk she discussed a paper that she had read entitled ‘Why I don’t have a girlfriend by Peter Brakus.’ In the paper Peter tries to rate his chance of finding love. Of all the women available to him in the UK, all Peter is looking for is

·         someone who lives near him,

·         someone in his age range,

·         someone with a university degree,

·         someone he is likely to get on well with,

·         someone who is likely to be attractive,

·         and someone who is likely to find him attractive

From this he comes up with an estimate of 26 women. To put that into perspective that gives Peter a 1 in 285,000 chance of bumping into any one of these special ladies on a night out.

As a matchmaker, I could see where he was coming from. After all dating really is a numbers game and the more you define your expectations, the smaller that pool of potential partners becomes. But, is there a formula we could use to pick the perfect partner? And, is there a right time to settle down?

Generally, you’re not advised to cash in and marry the first person who comes along and shows you some interest; but, equally, you don’t want to leave it too long if you want to maximise your chance of long-term happiness. Let’s imagine you start dating when you are 15 and, ideally, you’d like to be married by the time you’re 35.  There’s a number of people that you could date during that time and they will be at varying levels of suitability. According to Hannah, what you should do is, in the first 37% of your dating window, reject everybody. Then, you should pick the next person that comes along who is better than everybody you have seen before.

Although it seems mad, as humans we already do this subconsciously. We play the field when we are young and only really start thinking about marriage in our mid to late 20s. This is where RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club can help. We take the hard work out of the numbers game of dating for you, taking into consideration the things that matter most and work with you to find the perfect match.

At RSVP, we believe in love and so do our members. Over the last 25 years they have shared with us their engagements, marriages and babies. Our experienced dating consultants have been there from day one, providing introductions and coaching them until they find the one that they would like to experience life’s greatest moments with.

If you want to find out more about our services and the memberships on offer, please contact RSVP here.

Dating on the dark side

At RSVP Dating Agency and Singles Club, we’ve long been proud to offer a safer alternative to internet dating, but it comes as no joy at all to read the latest awful statistics.

Sky News has just revealed that 2,054 crimes related to online dating were recorded between 2011 and 2016. In 2011, 140 crimes were recorded. By 2016 that had risen to 676, a 382% increase. In the same period, the number of sexual crimes reported rose from 14 to 106 and violent attacks were up from 29 to 240. And all this is despite two of the biggest internet dating apps offering guidance on how to stay safe.

"Over 70% of the stranger rape cases we see are from people going home with their date or taking their date back to their own accommodation on the first date," says the NCA's head of national investigative capabilities, Sean Sutton.

By the way, it’s not just women who are at risk. There are hundreds of men out there who have lost everything to fraudsters hiding behind a gorgeous photo.

What’s behind this trend? We still crave that instant gratification of the unread message. It’s quick, easy and, for the most part, free. Is there a better way of dating in this day and age? Has dating become just another app to eat data allowance and storage space on your phone? Something to do in a boring meeting or on the train home? It appears that it isn’t as easy as it is in the classic film ‘You’ve Got Mail’. Should we ditch the dark side?

 

If you are here reading the RSVP blog, maybe you’re already wondering about safer alternatives. Have you thought about reverting to traditional ways of dating? A professional matchmaker will be harder on the wallet, but, what price can you put on safety?

 

RSVP Dating and Singles club, can help you escape the swiping, pop your phone away and dance the night away at one of our singles balls. Or maybe you would prefer to put on your walking boots and take in the beautiful countryside views? Although no dating agency can promise you 100% safety, with RSVP, you can relax in the knowledge that all of our members have been met by a member of staff before joining. We know who they are and where they live. In addition to this, all RSVP singles events are hosted, taking away the anxiety and nerves of being alone.

 

Take control of your dating destiny and contact RSVP today.