Is a lack of confidence holding you back in your dating?

Confidence is a very attractive quality and something that comes up again and again when we are discussing "ideal" partners with our new and existing RSVP dating members. They use terms like "confident", "self-assured", "happy-in-their-skin" and "comfortable with who they are". 

As I was driving to work this week I was shocked to hear the results of a recent all parliamentary group report that has found over half of us are unhappy with our body image. They see this as "an underlying cause of health and relationship problems, a key contributor to low self-esteem and a major barrier to progression at work". This got me thinking about how closely our body image is tied to our self confidence and the impact this can have. Of course a loss in confidence can be caused by all kinds of things, but it seems clear to me that a dislike of our appearance or any loss of confidence seriously affects our ability to make and maintain successful relationships.

Here at dating agency RSVP, we believe you will be more successful in finding your ideal partner if you are happy with the way you look and the life you are leading. As the chinese philosopher Confucius said "how things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside". To help you achieve this, we offer image coaching and relationship coaching either as a stand alone service or as part of our Platinum introduction agency membership. Our dating PAs understand that rebuilding your confidence is a key part of the dating process and the personal service they are able to offer platinum members is a valuable extra benefit.

Having attended our May Ball Leicestershire Singles Event last weekend, I can testify first hand how good our events can be. Attending events is another great way to rebuild your confidence and make that important first step back into dating. As well as being great fun, they give you a "safe" place to take the first step and are a great way to meet new friends...after all, everyone there is in the same situation as you.

If you would like to discuss joining or upgrading, please give our team a call.

Why do Men Flirt in the Workplace?

At Dating Agency RSVP, we were recently asked an interesting question, which we thought best to share with our followers. Why do men flirt in the workplace?

Some common thoughts are that men try to flirt their way to the top! Psychologists who have studied this disagree, finding men who flirt at work actually lack in sensitivity. This would suggest there is no real benefit in flirting, to advance any career progression. Low job satisfaction is another possibility, if lacking in motivation or easily distracted, the chance to flirt will give him something fun to do, adding a bit of excitement to what so far has been yet another unsatisfying day.

This possible theory was investigated by business psychologists Chadi Moussa and Adrian Banks from the University of Surrey, through a questionnaire that measured flirting behaviours at work, job satisfaction, self reported job performance, and personality. Said Chadi: “Previous research has shown that people flirt for various reasons, which include increasing their self-esteem, fun and romance. If men are feeling unsatisfied in their roles, then they may resort to flirting to keep them entertained and this would partially explain the negative relationship. While flirting can have benefits, excessive flirting at work may be a sign that you’re unsatisfied with your job or simply bored. These findings contradict popular notions that flirting at work can make employees mores satisfied or perform better”.

So what reasons are there to explain the flirtatious male in the workplace? One thing that has crossed our mind is, perhaps a lack in confidence or low self esteem around women is actually what causes men to go into “flirt mode”, therefore deflecting away from any confidence issues that arise when placed in difficult situations.

RSVP’s dating coach Stephanie Robinson regularly holds personal coaching sessions to help build the confidence of people who struggle in these scenarios.

Booking a session with Steph would certainly help both your confidence and self-esteem. Then afterwards why not test it out the best possible way, by booking on a selection of RSVP singles events?

Hosts Wanted for RSVP Singles Events

We are currently looking to recruit additional hosts for our RSVP Singles Events in all areas. If you are fun, outgoing, positive, influential, diplomatic, supportive and, above all, an all-round ‘people person’ we’d love to hear from you.

We would also like to re-invigorate our ‘Event Buddy’ scheme, whereby we can put new members in touch with an existing member who could perhaps show them the ropes.

If you have a few RSVP Singles Events under your belt - maybe a singles dinner or two or perhaps one or more of our many singles walks and would be prepared to impart some words of wisdom to a new member to ease them through their first event - or better still get them to attend an event with you - please get in touch with RSVP Events Manager Wendy on 01572 774886.

How to compliment a lady

Travelling to the Burlington Hotel in Birmingham today to meet some Birmingham Singles looking to join RSVP, I was very happy to receive a compliment from a guy on the train. It really made me smile and it brightened my day. So, for the rest of the journey I was left pondering on the best way to deliver a pleasant compliment to a lady. It's a problem often put to RSVP's dating coach, Stephanie Robinson.

Of course, we all know men and women's brains are wired differently and what seems like a perfectly logical compliment from the guy's point of view can quickly turn sour when interpreted by the lady. So what is a man to do? How is he ever meant to get it right?

Well, a recent survey by a health care provider has suggested that one of best, sure-fire ways to compliment a lady is by making a comment that suggests that she has lost weight. I have to say, I agree wholeheartedly with this, if it comes from someone I know. A simple "you're looking very trim in that outfit" would definitely lift my day. However, be warned; avoid saying that a lady "looks well". It is a comment that I have heard more than once and I immediately think you are saying "you've put a bit of weight on". And the survey suggests that I am not the only one here - so be warned!

Another safe bet could be to make a positive comment about how they are looking - for example you could say that you like their smile or eyes. Although don't do what my husband did when he first met me and ask if they are wearing coloured contact lenses. I am sure he was well-meaning, but I wasn't impressed! Other sage areas for you to try could include mentioning the colours they are wearing or the outfit they have chosen. At the end of the day, we like to know that we are looking good today and made the right choices about what to wear!

Looking at a recent Yahoo survey, the best compliment voted on by their readers was "Are your feet sore, because you have been running through my mind all night". A great line, but I'd say this was a pretty risky strategy. I know that a man who makes you laugh can be very attractive, but you don't want to be labelled as a "player" used to delivering slick and insincere comments to lots of ladies. And you are definitely not being funny when you say "You are not as stupid as you look" - but I know you wouldn't say that, would you?

Having said all of this and made you feel nervous about saying anything to me when we meet, I must say that the best advice I can give the men out there is not to be put off from making a compliment just in case you get it wrong. When someone else tells you that you look good, it can do wonders for your self confidence and always makes you smile. Just take a second to think about what you are going to say first - and how it could be interpreted - before you actually say it! It might be logical to you - but will it come across that way?

Why use a Professional Matchmaking Agency?

These days there are lots of different ways to find yourself a partner, so why should you use a matchmaker when this can be seen by some as a traditional, somewhat old-fashioned route to meeting people? In this internet age, it can seem an odd decision to liberate yourself from your pc and talk to a matchmaker about the type of person you are looking for, but there are some real benefits in shutting off your laptop and taking the time to talk to the professionals at a reputable dating agency. Here are just some of the many reasons why:

Experience and knowledge

Professional matchmakers are experts in the field of helping people find partners. They get to know you on a one-on-one basis and are then able to guide you through the process of finding the right relationship for you. They can then make recommendations for introductions to you based on:
- the criteria you have stated
- your own personality
- what you are looking for in a partner long term
Matchmakers make it is their business to get to know you: your wants, needs and desires.

Privacy

Your matchmaker will only introduce you to the sorts of people you are likely to be interested in. They will not release your contact information or photo to anyone without your permission. By using a matchmaker no one, your boss or colleagues at work, your ex, or your family members, will know you are looking for a partner unless, of course, you tell them.

Safety

No one wants to meet a perfect stranger. Your matchmaker has spoken with, met and checked the i.d. of everyone you are introduced to. Because of this, you can explore romance without fear or worry. It also means that you can avoid the need for corny chat up lines in bars or at the gym.  And of course you also have the benefit of knowing that the person you are meeting is actually looking for the same thing as you!

Focused and tailored for you

Your matchmaker gets to know you and bases your introductions on your personality, lifestyle, likes, dislikes and values.  Remember, it’s an iterative process, they will also build up a picture of what you are looking for as you provide feedback after each meeting.  In this way, they get to know you and understand exactly who will be a suitable match.

Saving You Time

You don't have to spend countless hours browsing thousands of online profiles, writing dozens of introduction e-mails, allowing you to save your energy for the actual date.

Independent Profiles

Dating profiles are written by the adviser that has met with you at your introductory meeting.  This means that you know all the profiles you see have been written by a third party and are based on what the adviser saw when they met them in person.  A good matchmaker will also be able to flesh out the profile for you based on what they have got to know about your introduction since they joined. The added benefit is that you don’t need to try and think how to best portray yourself, you can let someone else do that for you.

Everybody is single!

It’s where all the serious professional people are going to find a partner, so it makes sense to head to the same place yourself!

Avoid the games

People who use a matchmaking service want to find a partner and are serious enough to have paid a professional to help them do that. Just think: no more second guessing or wasting your time with game players – you can meet other like-minded singles who are interested in a relationship

A final reality check

But remember, matchmakers aren’t miracle workers and they cannot make something that doesn’t exist. There’s a difference between looking for the partner of your dreams and living in a dream world. At the end of the day, a matchmaker can only introduce you to some great people who you are likely to feel a connection with, they cannot make the chemistry happen for you.

This means that you won’t always find love with the first match you meet, or possibly even the sixth, although many do find love on the first date!

Joining an agency is about being in the right place at the right time – if you aren’t on the books when Mr or Mrs Right comes along you can’t be there to meet them!

Gents, get the most from RSVP membership

Our very supportive member and excellent singles events host Russell H recently put together some tips to help RSVP gents get the most from their RSVP dating memberships and singles events membership. He was lamenting the fact that men don't get the most from their membership because they don't make the best of the singles events. I'm sure he'll forgive me for paraphrasing somewhat, but Russell's top tips are:

1. Guys, the idea of RSVP events is to meet women. So, if you want to meet lots of women, go to some events!
2. If you meet someone who appeals to you, talk to them and exchange details - you're not just there for the food/beer/activity. It won't happen every time, but relax, it only takes one. And you'll feel great in a week or two's time when you get a call or text from the lady you chatted to that night.
3. It'll also be worthwhile exchanging numbers with any guys you get on with, as it's useful to share the driving and agree which events you'll go to.
4. As a fully paid-up member, you are already paying for events, so it makes sense to go to some.
5. Women book earlier than men, so, to balance things out, RSVP will put women on a waiting list. If you book early enough, another lady can come too.
6. If you're worried about whether there will be people of your age - there probably will - call the office and they'll let you know. Or why not ask them for their best recommendation for an event for you?
7. Try something new - there are loads of activities and the like - so you'll have interesting tales to relate on your next date/event. Flow-riding anyone?
8. Meet your introduction at an event. If you're a Gold/Platinum member wondering where to meet your next introduction, you've 150 ideas in the latest calendar. Plus, that way, if you don't hit it off, there'll be plenty of others there to talk to.
9. We all know that guys don't like to plan too far ahead. (Still not sure why, mind you). But, keep in mind that, in life, it's the planners who reap the rewards. Coincidences, whilst delightful when they happen, are few and far between. 

I'll let you think on that last one and consider its merits.

Spring along to some new RSVP singles events

What a fantastic few days we have had this week - Spring has definitely sprung!
 
When the weather improves, it really does inspire you to get out and about doing something different, so it is good news that we have just sent out our new calendar to RSVP dating and singles events members. We have some fantastic singles events for you to come along to such as:

• A walking weekend in Derbyshire
• Sunday walks and Bike rides
• Disc Golf (it's like combining Frisbee and golf)
• Dinners in some lovely restaurants and pubs
• And of course we have our May Ball, being held in Leicestershire.

If you aren't an RSVP member, you can request a sample RSVP singles events calendar, and some of these might wet your appetite!
A handful of our 50 singles events every month are open to members. Anyone single can attend one of our RSVP open taster singles events.

Events are such a great way to meet new people in a relaxed and non pressurised environment. Many of our members prefer events because they get a chance to meet potential matches a few times and get to know them, without the tension of making up your mind on a first date. And we always have a host at our events to make sure that members are introduced and that the event goes smoothly!

It is important to remember a few key tips when attending a singles event.

1. Smile!

When you walk in, smile like you know other people in the room - chances are you will get a smile back and this is sure to put you at your ease and make it easier to start a conversation.

2. Be aware of those around you

Remember that everyone feels nervous at their first event, where they don't know anyone in the room.  When you arrive at the event and it looks like everyone knows each other because they are deep in conversation, you can be sure that they don't. So despite your desire to run in the opposite direction, try to forget how you are feeling and become more sensitive to those around you. I am sure that many of your fellow guests will welcome a smile and a conversation opener, just as much as you do. So be open to your fellow guests and make it easy for others to engage you in conversation. You will appear much more attractive if you are mingling and making conversation rather than standing in the corner of the room.

3. Be prepared with how to start the conversation

Before you go to the event, think about some easy conversation openers. A simple "Hi, how are you?" works really well. Then think of some interesting questions that you can ask such as "What interested you in this event" , Make sure it is an open question, so they can't just answer with a yes or a no. Remember open questions tend to start with what, why and how.

4. Don't be a bore

Don't talk only about yourself. Make sure ask those around you about themselves. Most people will feel confident about talking about themselves, so you will help to put them at their ease. Pay attention to what people are saying and ask them questions to show that you are listening. Oh, and don't act like a know-all. You may think your are showing off your knowledge, others will think you are a bore!

5. Pick safe topics of conversation

Don't pick a conversation topic that will ignite people's emotions, you may think you are being edgy or controversial, but those around you won't appreciate a heated conversation at a social gathering.

6. Talk to other people of the opposite sex

There's no point attending a singles event if you don't talk to anyone and in particular if you don't talk to your target audience!

7. Have fun!

The most important thing is that you enjoy yourself. The more fun you have, the more you will relax and appear more appealing to potential dates. And, more importantly, you will have a fun experience and get the best out of the event.