Cherish Today

This morning I read an article that saddened me greatly. It was reported in the Evening Standard that MilesDonnelly murdered a single mother after meeting her through online dating siteOasis.

 

Rather than slam internet dating and harp on about the importance of keeping ourselves safe online, I would like to take a moment to send our thoughts and prayers to the family of the victim Usha Patel.

 

It is with great sadness that when women are faced with the harsh reality of single life with a young child in tow, our need for attention heightens, which can leave us wide open to many situations that would appear out of character.

 

After all, we all want to be liked and ultimately loved, so we will put in that extra effort and take the risk. Sometimes this pays off and we met that person who makes our eyes dance and heart sing. Not all stories end tragically; the blame here lies only with the individual who stole a mother from a young child.

 

Tomorrow isn’t promised; cherish today; we never expect to need an emergency plan. However, the route of using a traditional dating agency like RSVP, where every member has been met, will definitely deter those with criminal intent and will help set your mind at ease. Knowledge is power; I strongly urge all daters to research traditional offline agencies through the Association of British Introduction Agencies.

 

RSVP offer our deepest sympathies to friends and family of Usha.

Modern Dating Etiquette

So is there such a thing as dating etiquette in the modern day?

 

Should some things remain private between a couple? Well, this choice is unique and personal to you, not only as an individual but as a couple.

 

However, surely anything that you do disclose should be discussed between you both. How does this work at the beginning of a relationship?

 

Most of us have that one friend that we see as our ‘human diary’; some may even be lucky enough to have a few; you know those friends that you ‘over share’ with and tell your deepest darkest secrets and desires to; things that you wouldn’t dream of relating on social media.

 

A normal day for an RSVP Dating PA (that’s the service that comes with RSVP’s Platinum Introduction Agency membership) means you hear many stories. I am the first to say that nothing shocks me anymore; you have the comfort of knowing that even if you do seek advice or over share with our team of matchmaking experts, it definitely won’t:

A-     Get plastered all over Facebook/Twitter etc  

B-      Be accidently leaked to the partner or other friends

C-      Result in you feeling judged on your actions.

 

After all, I – along with my fellow Dating PAs – am  here for that purpose; a wise but impartial and non-judgemental expert. I will tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear, to help you on your dating journey.

 

Now I was slightly surprised that there is a fairly new kid on the internet block, with a Dating app that girls can swipe left/right – fairly common these days; however, you can also join as ‘a ghost’ to help a member of your girl group search for her perfect guy; it doesn’t stop there, they can even be involved in the messages; yes, they can see the whole conversation as well as add to it!

 

Do you find this kind of dating enticing? How well do your friends know what you REALLY want in a partner? I wonder how the guys will react to dating a team!

 

I think I’d rather leave my dating in the hands of a professional team. My advice? Put your phone down and get yourself out to one of the superb singles events hosted by RSVP and meet some genuine singles face to face.

In or Out the Dating version

I remember a time when being an inny or an outty referred to your belly button; gosh, how times change.

 

Today my question refers to the online dating community.

 

A Good Morning Britain investigation has revealed one in ten women have felt physically or verbally attacked after meeting someone online, with one in four receiving explicit messages within three minutes of chatting.

 

We all profess to err on the side of caution; we know what we should do; however, does that stop us doing what we want to do?

 

Here at RSVP dating agency and singles club, we take care of the ‘should do’ side of it for you; we meet every single member face to face. As for explicit messages, they’re not really a problem in RSVP. Whatever happens, it’s nice to know that one of our team are always there to listen and advise confidentially on the best course of action.

 

Ninety-eight percent of women said  they’d always organise a first date in public, to stay safe. But in a fifth of cases, they changed their mind and they met at someone’s home instead. In a third of cases the women said they’d gone back to a private home after a first date.

 

So, as women, why do we change our minds last minute? Maybe it boils down to the quest for instant gratification that we all suffer from, from time to time. We are constantly told in for a penny in for a pound; we both know we are interested, so why not jump in?

 

I personally believe that slow and steady wins the race. A great way to stay safe is to arrange a first meeting at a pre-organised singles event, for example one of RSVP’s mix and mingles, where, if you don’t hit it off, you have an easy escape route.

 

Just remember ladies, our behaviour influences others. I am definitely an ‘outty’ (on this subject, at least).

 

 

 

 

What's your biggest fear?

What's your biggest fear? One of mine is spiders. So how do you overcome your fears? I trained my 2 boys not to be scared and to safely catch them and pop them back outside (while I hide in another room doing the good old spider dance).

 

Here at RSVP dating agencyand singles club, the most common fears I hear are:

• Fear of the unknown,
• Fear of getting back in to the dating game
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of attending a first RSVP singles event.

 

Bizarrely, one of RSVP’s team of matchmaking experts recently overcame her fear of cows. Yes, cows. She marched through a whole field of the mooing creatures while on an RSVP singles walk in Lincolnshire, organised by our events team at head quarters. Huge well done!

 

This sparked a conversation with an RSVP member of ours, attending the same RSVP singles event and supporting her, who recently overcame his fear of flying by attending an RSVP helicopter lesson singles activity.

 

The singles walk (followed by a Sunday lunch) was actually being hosted by a first time host, another fear smashed that day.

 

So, next time you find yourself wondering if you should attend that first RSVP singles event, you start to feel the sweaty palms or the faster heartbeat, just remember we are all conquering fears that others may be unaware of. All RSVP singles events are hosted and the host is there to help everyone overcome those fears and have a fun time.

 

On that first date, take away the second guessing and pick up the phone to one of our

friendly team of matchmaking experts at RSVP to talk it through; after all, our fears can be managed if not conquered.

 

 

Paying your own way?

A recent article in the Daily Mail discussed the issue of ‘who should pay for dinner on a first date?’.

As a Dating PA for RSVP’s Platinum introduction agency service, it’s an issue that is a bugbear of mine and a question I’m asked frequently. This sparked a mini discussion in my house, when I asked the question of my children ‘who should pay for dinner?’, they immediately said in unison ‘the man’; when questioned, my 13 year old son said ‘it’s just good manners’, my 11 year old son said ‘it’s chivalrous’ and my 9 year old daughter said quite simply ‘he is the man’!

Now as a professional Matchmaker, I wholeheartedly believe a FIRST dinner date should be split. Of course the rules may change after the first date. Yet, I find it surprising – and slightly depressing – that a study of 416 men and women reveals that both men and women who think they are attractive feel they quite literally bring more to the table and therefore the less attractive of the duo should be paying for the privilege of dining with them.

Interestingly, an attractive male will relent slightly and pick up the tab, if he wants to impress; if he pays he is inferring that he wants another date. An attractive woman, on the other hand, will allow and expect the man to pay, even if she is interested; this to her means that he has already invested in a future with her.

So does this mean that the less ‘naturally’ attractive among us should always foot the bill? Surely if you take pride in your appearance you have brought the same to the table. Should attractiveness trump manners?

Here at RSVP we aim to provide matches based on the characteristics of long-term relationship success – which is about more than how two people look, so we recommend that you always take your purse or wallet to dinner!

8 Steps to online love

Dating Fraud, has recently become media fodder for a number of valid reasons, which I am sure you have all read about. RSVP dating agency and singles club can help you avoid this, so although I could re-hash the details of the recent coverage, I find myself pondering, if digging into the whys and what ifs will benefit us in any way? After all, it’s already happened to many people and, surprisingly, according to a recent article in the Daily Mail’s You magazine, has increased by 16 percent in 2014-15 with recorded losses of more that £33 million.

 

We live in a world where Health and Safety has gone mad, where we need insurance policies to cover our insurance policies. MOTs to make sure our cars are roadworthy – I remember when we didn’t even have seat belts – so how can we take steps to prevent this number increasing? 

 

So here I am Friday night, sitting on the sofa with my meal for one (well, officially, for two, but of course the portions are stingy) lounge trousers and a t-shirt on (same one I’ve worn all week), beer in hand, flicking through the TV channels – nothing on again. So, I thumb through You magazine and spot ‘Beware your online soul mate’.

 

So am I just being taught to suck eggs?

 

I have given some thought to the sequence of eight steps that You magazine claim fraudsters use to hook you; I can relate to these:

 

1. SELECTING A TARGET – Looking for a profile that contains honest/trustworthy.
2. GAINING SYMPATHY- They have been through so much, yet they are a fighter and they have trusted me enough to tell me.
3. ACCEPTING MY BAGGAGE – I have children and I sustained a leg injury at work, so I sometimes limp; she doesn’t mind.
4. CHANGING MY HABITS – I rush home to talk to her, change plans with friends.
5. MIRRORING – She watches the same things on TV and has the same interests, some are newly discovered so I am helping her explore.
6. CUTTING ME OFF – We have to keep this low key for now, she is so fragile from her past and she is trusting me.
7. TAKING ME OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE –She sent me nude photos; I returned the favour, as she was so sweet and really wanted them, but now I can’t upset her; she has naked photos.
8. BUILDING A DREAM – All she needs to do is get some money together to move closer; she is working a few jobs; she is so tired, but we have everything planned. She just needs that extra bit of help from me financially and it will speed it all up.

 

With the matchmaking service provided by RSVP, we take care of steps 1 and 2 automatically; step 3 is also taken care of by the professional matchmaking team. The remaining steps that hook you in can still happen, if you have a black and white thinking style; however the matchmaking team are always at the end of the phone to help and flag up any warning signs – a safety net, so to speak. Of course, knowing that every RSVP member has been met by one of our expert Dating Consultants – so they really are who we say they are – and that all members have paid a registration fee, means your chances of bumping into a fraudster through RSVP are so tiny as to be negligible.

 

Join RSVP and date safely.

Stranger Danger - staying safe online dating

It’s scary out there in the world of online dating. But here at RSVP singles club and dating agency, we are able to offer a safety net. 

 

Think back to your childhood for a minute; what message was instilled into you, by your parents, grandparents and teachers at school? 

 

STRANGER DANGER. 

 

With the advent of the internet, has this message managed to become a little confusing to us all? So we are not supposed to talk to strangers, take sweets, follow them to their cars to look at cute Kittens or Puppies, but we can talk to anyone on the internet? Is that safe? Well, what harm will it do? They can’t even see me. I mean Strangers are only friends that we haven’t met yet, right? If we don’t take a risk we wouldn’t have any friends or relationships.

 

I’m a sensible man, successful career, been there, done that, seen it all, I understand the 6 Ps -

• Prior
• Preparation
• Prevents
• P*ss
• Poor
• Performance

 

So what is the attraction? Simple: it’s the instant gratification that we feel when chatting online. Maybe we need to slow down and believe that we can’t rush something that we expect to last forever. 

 

We all think it won’t happen to me and internet dating works for many; in no way am I suggesting it doesn’t, however I hope I have given you food for thought... 

 

Take a peek at your own online profile – does it need an MOT or a few safety checks? Are you flaunting your wealth? Is the attractive young woman who’s messaging you absolutely stunning – and perhaps more so that you could reasonably expect in a partner? Is it all too good to be true? 

 

Happy Dating.